We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
