Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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