So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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