Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
