Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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