I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
