Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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