There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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