Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
