We won't sleep together?
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Randomize
