IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Randomize
