just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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