Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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