he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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