I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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