Got a toothbrush?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
