and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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