Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
