3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
