your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
