I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
whose ass print is on the piano?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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