Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I am available for nakedness
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
wow bdsm is so cute
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
