Soap is not a condiment
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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