Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
