So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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