Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize