I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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