do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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