So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
