Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
