@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
PANTIES FOUND
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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