My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
