Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
