I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
