I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
