she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
