Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
