How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
