on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
