you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
