who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
