I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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