He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
