be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
