i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
