Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
