It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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