even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
