I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize