No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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