My sheets look like a crime scene.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
