My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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