I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Randomize
