He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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