I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Randomize
