I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
