a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I need help removing her.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Please, let me fuck your mom
Duck Duck Cougar?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Randomize
