I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
