This dress was meant to end up on your floor
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize