"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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