You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
