After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
