she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
