Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I don't deserve a penis
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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