Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
