I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
