You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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