I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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