I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
