I will die if light touches me.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
