Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
