i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
