i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
