I'm jealous of your bromance
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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