would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
