I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize