i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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