My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
They are going to name an STD after you.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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