Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
