Kiss
Puke
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
3 2 1 whiskey
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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