So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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