I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
