So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
a search helicopter?!
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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