Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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