could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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