Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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