It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
