I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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