so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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