I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
