I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
And my parents said I crawled through the house
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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