I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
