This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
