sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
