After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
