i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
