Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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