im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
