You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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