Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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