it wasn't lemon gatorade
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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