So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
